Chapter Text
If you asked him, car rides were still Sunghoon's favourite part of the day. Always had been the case, long since before his earliest memories. He was fascinated by the very concept.
As such, he treated it as a sacred part of his routine; it made the rest of the day feel like it had purpose, a destination, or perhaps just something to look forward to, but also! It didn't require him to immediately face the outside world just yet either. He could simply remain content, basking alone in his private thoughts while observing the rest of the world as they passed him by — All at his leisure, until he felt ready to crawl out of his shell.
As a young child, he'd recall glimpses, brief flashes, of nodding off to the light thrums of his family's old car engine's vibrations. His little sister, with her pink plastic glasses, sitting heavy on her button nose, would lightly pat and pinch his upper arms to point out whatever scenery grabbed the kid's fleeting interest. He'd humour her then, making faces at her (or with her, at oncoming cars), while his mother would routinely stop at the gas station for snacks: chips and chocolate bars for her; milk and oat cookies for him.
"Oppa, oppa, do you think eomma will let me join you for practice today?" His little sister's eyes would glow faintly, bouncing up and down as she peeked over their backseat window, watching their mom standing in line by the little ATM. Ten year old Sunghoon would shake his fluffy head, hugging his drawstring bag closer to his chest, careful to not scuff his precious pair of skates within.
"Eomma said you're still t-too young, silly. Wh-what if your bones got hurt?" Poking her twig-like wrists, he'd repeat his mother's words. His soft voice's pitch wavered, unfortunately making Sunghoon sound more petulant than concerned, one of the first signs indicating the beginnings of his pre-pubescent voice cracks.
"That's right, Yeji — silly girl, sit down..." His mother would sigh as she returned to her kids, not truly annoyed, but visibly tired, handing them their bag of snacks in the back. "And you, you're five years older than her, act like it." Sunghoon sat up straighter, but only for a few seconds before his mom turned back around.
"Only one each, or else no dessert for dinner."
"Awww..." the siblings whined, before snatching the shared bag to prevent the other from stealing their items.
Eventually letting his sister win, Sunghoon would watch as she'd plop down on the back of their used hyundai rental car, pouting to herself whilst struggling to open her snack.
"I don't get it... You and eomma have nothing to worry about," she'd say, munching on her chocolate bar, kicking her legs back and forth in simple bliss.
"Sunghoon-oppa's always gonna be there to protect me anyway."
══════════════════
Sunghoon listened to his mother's most recent voice message again through his bluetooth headphones, eyes not quite closed, as he rested in the dimly lit backseat of his company-owned car, waiting for the rest of his members to join him (presumably Sunoo and Jake, this time).
Her voice, older now, but still firm, in that way that used to scare him a little as a kid, but now came off as soothing; it grounded him, something Sunghoon felt comforted by more than he'd dare admit. She was catching him up on the latest family updates he'd missed this month.
His second youngest aunt was remarrying soon. Had invited him to the wedding, in fact, but she had been regretfully turned down by his parents on behalf of Sunghoon, due to the likelihood of his schedule clashing with the week-long celebrations.
He should probably arrange some flowers, a card, at least, Sunghoon thought. She'd been a reliable babysitter for him and his sister for the first few years after Yeji was born, when money was tight, during a time where his younger self hadn't yet gotten his groove in figure skating, let alone known to properly commit to it.
His mother continued on; Yeji had returned to L.A last week to complete her internship program (so he'd just missed her, again) and had broken up with her on-again, off-again college "boyfriend". (Sunghoon had some choice words for that fu— that person.) She hadn't said goodbye to Sunghoon personally, or texted him, but his mom was very insistent that Yeji had told her personally that she 'would love to see him' if he visited the States again, calling his sister a "tsundere."
Sunghoon wondered, mildly amused, where his mother had learned that term. (Probably Yeji. She was always trying to get their parents to watch overseas shows for some reason or other.)
And dad was doing better after that minor accident in the garden. Light exercise would do him good, the doctor had said. His mother ended the voice note reminding Sunghoon to refill his prescription medications himself since she would be busy taking care of his father this month, and to let her know if they could meet for dinner soon, perhaps sometime this weekend?
Only if he could take time off, of course. No pressure.
"And don't keep wearing those contacts, aigoo, Sunghoon-ah! You know how they dry your sensitive eyes out... En, alright, the bath's running so I'll stop keeping you, okay? Love you, my dear son, I'll hang up now..." She always ended the voice notes the same way, as if she were in a proper call with him. As if she wasn't actually talking to thin air.
Sunghoon blinked sleepily. "Sorry, eomma... I think I slept in with these last night," he confessed internally, reaching for his eyedrops in his pocket. Going through the script had taken longer than he'd thought, (Sunghoon had never seen a fully stacked script before, his usual roles being a couple of pages long at best) and the more complicated traditional phrases and syntax had sent his head spinning. He hadn't even made it to his part in the script yet, and already, he dreaded the amount of tongue-twisting exercises he would most definitely be forced to practice with.
He did think that the plot was a whole lot more interesting than usual, though, and he was particularly intrigued by the main character. He briefly wondered if he would one day be good enough to play such a challenging role.
He yawned, pushing the thought aside. Sunghoon was never the type to put the cart before the horse. Better that he focus on the here and now, instead of...
Just then, the car door slid open. In hopped Jungwon, and a few beats behind, followed Sunoo, holding a bag of goodies. Jungwon took a spot in the back next to Sunghoon, and Sunoo closed the door to his right, sitting down before turning in his seat to hand Sunghoon an electric fan.
Sunghoon accepted it blankly, and the trio sat in comfortable silence, waiting for the driver to start. As their car pulled out of their company's carpark, an identical black vehicle drove ahead of them. In it, seated Jake, Ni-ki, and Heeseung-hyung, each of them already knocked out, from the looks of it.
"About the fan..." Sunoo started.
*Screech!*
The three jumped at the sound of a car's tires squeaking besides them, and peered out to find Jay and his manager slash driver in a third car passing them by also, before making a U-turn in the opposite direction. Sunghoon's eyes followed the car, squinting as it dissapeared past his view after the first few blocks. He then turned his minature fan off and on, spinning it lightly in his hand.
The fan sputtered on and off pitifully, amusing Sunghoon for a brief second, before he got bored of it.
"Jay-hyung got a callback," explained Jungwon, though no one had asked aloud. "Something to do with a second recommendation by one of the casting directors. He might just make it in, this time."
Sunghoon didn't reply, but quietly handed the fan back to Sunoo.
"You sure? It's going to be hot out today," said Sunoo, refusing to take it. "That's what the weather lady said, anyway."
Sunghoon glanced out the window. The clouds weren't blocking out the sun by any means, but the ash-stricken sky seemed to be getting more and more overcast, the longer he stared at it.
"Don't worry, Jay-hyung has one too," said Jungwon, gently rescuing the poor fan from Sunghoon's fidgeting open palm.
"Ah, the fan?" Sunoo guessed. "Yeah, I saw him with that earlier."
That's not what he needs, though, thought Sunghoon, staring distractedly as each car zipped by, off to who knows where.
The two younger members continued to chat amongst themselves for a bit, giggling about a foreign series they'd apparently binge-watched the previous night. Both had fallen asleep midway, and so they amused themselves by guessing the ending of the latest arc.
"I think he'll forgive the villain. They've spent too much time together for the fans to not get their happy ending, like, what's the point of getting invested then?" Sunoo exclaimed heartily, confident in his analysis.
"Eh... That's where you're wrong, hyung. It's because the viewers are so invested, that they'll hate the villain even more for betraying him. I say they're doomed from the start, no happy ending, no justice, and that's that," Jungwon predicted instead, unflinching in his opinion.
"Ugh... but, that's just too cruel, though," Sunoo nearly wailed. "What was the point of them learning to support each other then, if not to accept one another? Am I wrong? Was that not the point, to show that anyone can be redeemed, as long as they have a change of heart, right Sunghoon-hyung?" The two turned towards him, eager to see if he would break their stalemate.
"Dunno, sounds complicated. But true love typically conquers all hardship, at least in these soap dramas, don't they usually?" Sunghoon said, not really following along with their conversation, and so gave what he hoped was a generic answer.
The two looked at him oddly.
"When you put it that way, I suppose... I can see it in that way too, I guess, now that you've mentioned it, but..." said Jungwon relented a little unwillingly, staring ahead, suddenly taking a keen interest in watching the traffic lights.
"Calling it love... Well, I've heard certain things about this show, but I don't know if, well... Never mind, forget it," said Sunoo, who also acted a little strange, abruptly deciding now was the best time to take care of his fingernails, buffing them lightly before dusting them.
A light shower had begun, but the drizzle was too faint for anyone else in the car to register just yet.
Sunghoon calmly continued to look around the car, and then, finding what he was searching for behind his headrest, he took out his phone, taking a quick selca.
By and by, a full five minutes passed in silence, before Sunghoon carefully leaned forwards in his seat, speaking a little louder so that his voice would reach the front of the car, "Ahjushii? Hyun-shii?"
"Oh? What's up, Sunghoon-shii? Did we forget something back at the office?" Hyun, their second main manager, an alright, sprightly man in his early thirties, craned his neck to look behind him. (Each of the members technically had their own, but during group activities, only the main two managers would accompany the members in their cars, the rest already on-site with the rest of Enhypen's main crew, ahead of the group's arrival.)
"Ah, no, nothing like that. Just wondering — are all of our cars set up the same way, like with refreshments, hot packs and so on?" Sunghoon asked their driver and manager in the front, waving his little fan around for emphasis. "Like, exactly the same? Exactly?"
"Uh, yes? I think so... Why?" replied their manager, a little startled by Sunghoon's random inquiry coming out from left field. Then again, Enhypen's conversations had always sounded a little choppy and mars-like to the average listener, so this was nothing truly new.
Sunghoon leaned back, looking a little pleased with himself. "Nothing, just wondered."
Jungwon and Sunoo didn't react to this brief exchange, already used to Sunghoon's habit of wondering aloud about seemingly inane, unrelated things. Soft piano music could be heard leaking from someone's, possibly Sunoo's, headphones, muffled by a coat draped over his duffle bag. The blonde dabbed on a little more lip balm, smearing it carefully with his pinky as he checked his reflection in the tiny overhead mirror. Jungwon fiddled with his sidebangs, patting them down before closing his eyes and leaned his head on the car headrest, careful to not smush his hair against the seatbelt.
Sunghoon fished his phone out of his pocket again, clicked send on the selfie he'd taken earlier, attaching with it a text, gloating:
"Bet u couldn't have found it urself... ur welcome, btw :P "
A few seconds later, he recieved a few texts back-to-back, along with a picture attached, a blurry image of Jay's hand, holding up the end of a mini folded umbrella from the opening of his trusty black Prada shoulder bag.
"already had my own, but thanks."
"also,"
"did someone shave your brows?"
"Huh, y?" Sunghoon texted back.
"idk," Jay replied.
"looks different."
Sunghoon had shaved his eyebrows this morning, actually, but even his stylists hadn't noticed. He felt a little defensive. He replied,
"Had to use my regular shaving blade cuz i ran out of proper ones. It's even, at least."
"didn't say it looked bad," Jay texted back, almost too quickly.
"..." Jay's typing icon popped up, starting and erasing itself twice.
"think it looks nice, actually. fits u. good job."
Then, "can't type while on the road, dizzy. see u later."
Sunghoon watched as Jay's 'online status' icon blinked off, feeling a wave of boredom wash over him again.
On a whim, he scrolled back to their last few messages. Some food receipts from late-night deliveries (mainly sent by Jay, who stubbornly insisted on paying back his share of the order), a few options of some limited-edition Lego sets they'd already forwarded to their staff, just a little surprise they've planned for Jake in their upcoming secret santa variety show special (to be filmed in the next few days).
The pictures they'd taken together two days ago.
Sunghoon's thumb gently traced over the screen, careful to not accidentally enlarge the images while he looked through the attachment files. He hadn't thought the camera would catch just how long Jay's painted lashes had been in person, but—
"What did Jay-hyung say?" Jungwon's voice was quiet, his eyes still shut, but he didn't sound in the least bit asleep. Sunghoon turned off his phone, a little quicker than he'd meant to, and pulled his white facemask over his nose, concealing his conflicted expression. He turned and kept his body firmly facing the window, away from the young leader, and gave a non-committal shrug.
"Just...dinner, I guess." he said lamely, making up an easy excuse. Sunghoon had no reason to lie, the exchange between Jay and him was so... was so un-noteworthy, so...???
But for some reason he couldn't explain, he didn't feel like talking about it with anyone.
Jungwon hummed. "He'll be fine. You should rest now, hyung."
"That's right, hyung-ah. We'll see him later, don't worry so much," Sunoo added sleepily, already half-asleep.
Sunghoon crossed his arms and snuggled deeper into his plush parka hoodie, shutting his eyes as the rain outside began to fall in earnest, pattering silver droplets drumming steadily along the metal roof of their car.
"...m'not worried," he mumbled, so quiet that no one might hear it.
The rain continued to pour.
Good luck, Jay-ah, Sunghoon wished fiercely in his heart, as he let himself fall back asleep.
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Three hours had passed, and the fansign event could no longer be postponed. They had to carry on without Jay, and Jungwon dutifully apologized to the hundred or so waiting fans, with most of them loudly clapping and telling Enhypen to not worry.
"Don't mind, don't mind," they chanted.
Each of the members had a turn addressing the audience before they sat down, each of them lightly bowing, to apologise for the inconvenience.
Sunghoon patiently waited his turn, every now and then blinking a little harder to not space out. He tuned in right as Jake wrapped up his opening greetings, "...and thank you all for coming to see us! We'll begin soon, right after this. Sunghoon, here—" placing the mic in his hands.
"Ah...Ahem," Sunghoon faltered a little, staring at the back of the room.
Don't meet their eyes, look in their general direction, smile, don't overdo it.
"Good afternoon, dearest Engenes! The weather is getting colder lately, so I hope you all take good care of your health, drink lots of water, which our staff has carefully placed under your seats, while you wait your turn... We're all very grateful to meet you here in this venue today, truly, my deepest apologies for keeping you all waiting, so let's get this ball rolling, okay?" He waved shyly at them, coos and cries erupting from the small crowd.
"Sunghoon-ah, we love you!!"
"Ahh, he's just too sweet, what the hell?!!"
"Look here, Sunghoon-oppa, here, here, kyaaaa!!"
Quieter voices murmured under the cheers:
"Where is Jay, is he okay?"
"Surely not an injury again, right?"
"No, no, might be a scheduling conflict..."
Sunghoon knew relief wasn't the appropriate response, per se, to hearing this, but all the same, he felt glad that the fans were concerned about Jay, too, instead of ignoring his absence.
"Ah, about Jay..." he began. He looked at Jungwon for reassurance, careful to not make accidental eye contact with the staff. Jungwon raised an eyebrow, but gestured for him to continue, keeping a steady gaze on him.
The message was clear: I trust you, but no revealing anything hinting at specifics, especially no spoilers regarding Jay's auditions.
"Jay isn't feeling unwell, or in pain, so please do not worry. But there were some simple matters he had to take care of first, so if you came here to see him specifically, you can just tell us your message instead, and we can pass it on to him, right guys?"
Sunghoon hoped this was good enough for the fans.
It was.
The rest of Enhypen patted his back, cheering him on. "Yeah, tell us anything! Jay-ie, Jay-ie, Jay-ie!!" Jake chanted, the audience cheering and chanting along with him.
Ni-ki wiped a fake tear from his eye, a mock look of angelic mourning on his face as he muttered gravely, "It's almost like he's here in the room with us... We miss you, hyung..." Clasping his hands in thoughtful prayer.
"Wahhh, this brat, look at him-!!" Heeseung nearly doubled over in laughter at the maknae's theatrics, and the rest of the members joined in on the fun.
"Aihh, Jay-hyung-ah, how could you leave us, how can we carry on without you? You cruel, heartless man-!!" Sunoo, with a fluffy rabbit beanie and matching paws on, playfully beat on Sunghoon and Jake's chest, imitating a grieving widow, but giggled way too hard to commit to the bit.
"What have you done, Sunghoon-hyung? Look, you're making Sunoo-hyung cry," Jungwon whispered to Sunghoon, careful to turn away from his mic, as he patted Sunoo's shoulders. His tone was admonishing if that was all one noticed, but Jungwon's expression was clearly amused, eyes twinkling mischievously as he grinned.
Sunghoon smiled back at him, as Jake pulled them back to their chairs to begin the fansign. He liked this side of Enhypen, very much so.
The fansign went by faster than he expected. Most of the interactions were decent enough, and he did his best to play along with the fans' requests. Nothing to cringe about if you pretend you're completely clueless about the contexts of these requests. He was a professional, after all.
Fake marriage proposals? Lightweight.
Who would he pick instead of Sooha? Tch, easy.
His favourite colour? You've got to be joking.
Who would he let his sister date in Enhypen? Over his dead, cold body.
His heart warmed at the shyer Engenes, clearly new to these types of events. They earnestly told him about their life, (some had recently graduated, others were getting married, geez, time really does fly) and quite a few did pass along a heartfelt message dedicated to Jay.
One girl, in particular, stood out to him. She still in her teens and accompanied by her older sister, and he happily listened as the fan gushed about how Jay had inspired her to experiment with fashion, and that she had won a junior contest in a local arts competition, vowing to grow up and design custom accessory pieces that Enhypen would be proud to wear.
"Oh, and a silver piece for you, and a dark leather one for Jay-ie as well, I'd make sure the whole world would stop in its tracks for sure!!" she exclaimed, clapping her hands excitedly. Her older sister, a non-fan, looked slightly embarrassed but proudly nodded her head, saying, "I've seen her designs, you'll believe it too when you see just how serious she is."
Sunghoon found himself smiling ear to ear at her excited chatter while she showed him her prized design scrapbook, wishing her all the best, and signed his autograph a little bigger than usual.
"Would you like me to sign Jay's too?" he whispered to the little kid. "I do know what it looks like, after all. Jay wouldn't mind."
Her eyes widened, but then she shook her head, smiling wistfully. "Thank you, sir, but I'd like to show Jay-ie my designs in person one day, I've always dreamt of him signing my scrapbook in approval. I think it's best, that way. Please tell him he is always loved and cherished for me! Like a thousand times, at least!!"
Sunghoon tucked that interaction deep within his heart, so that he wouldn't forget. "I'll try." The little fan beamed.
He watched fondly as the little girl moved on to Ni-ki besides him, squealing peals of laughter as the maknae enthusiastically high-fived her. It was always a joy to watch the members interact with their younger fans, but he knew Ni-ki in particular had an especially soft spot for them, seeing as he'd started out as a pretty young fanboy himself.
"Oppa! Sunghoon-oppa! It's been a while, did you miss me?" A pretty girl, with blonde locks and light brown roots, waved freely in front of his face.
Ah, right, Sunghoon thought. Back to business, focus, focus.
The girl looked familiar; was she the one last year who kept asking him if he cared about international ages and pet names? He tried his best to recall. Fans always preferred it when he acted familiar with them, but it was harder, much more than one would think, to keep up the fantasy when you had to greet so many new faces each year.
"Of course I did!" He gave a fake frown and tilted his head. "Didn't we agree previously, that only my little sister could call me 'oppa'? And aren't you older than me?" adding a cheeky smirk, so that the girl blushed.
"Ahh... I thought you would forget about that..." she looked positively beet red. "It's only a three-year difference though, can't you make an exception?"
"Sorry, no! Rules are rules, I'm afraid, noona!" he grinned, adding further fuel to the girl's already burning face.
"A... Anyways-!!" The girl stuttered, "I wanted to tell you that I really loved your parts in the last two albums, your voice is my utmost favourite!"
"Oh, really?" Sunghoon was genuinely pleased, giving her a headpat. He did think that he was improving, recently.
"Yes," she continued, "...Now that Jay-oppa's busy with his new project, drama, whatever, I thought just this once, it'd be only fair if his lines could be switched out with yours, it's just not fair that you keep getting lesser lines by that company, seriously. I mean, they keep ignoring the hashtags and the tr— huh?"
Sunghoon had whisked his hand away from her, and his handsome face, all smiles, had none of the warmth it had previously held.
How had she learned about Jay's private schedule? It hasn't even been five hours, Sunghoon's blood ran cold as it slowly dawned on him.
"Did... did I say something wrong? I didn't mean to imply I didn't appreciate your current lines, I just think you deserve better, honestly!" The young woman tried to explain herself. "I've only ever wanted the best for you, I'm your biggest fan, believe me, please! It's all for your own good, don't you see?" she pleaded.
Sunghoon quietly signed her book, and coolly replied, "I like my own lines the way they are." And inwardly, to himself:
And I like Jay's lines just the same.
He slid her book and pen politely towards her. "Good day, thank you for coming. Next please."
"...O-oppa?" Her voice quivered. Don't call me that, Sunghoon thought irritably, but made sure to not show it on his face. "Wait, I wasn't finished yet-?!" Security standing alongside the back of the waiting line gave her a withering look, and she hung her head, moving along defeatedly.
"Don't mind her," Heeseung-hyung said to his left, still in the midst of signing his autograph, not even pausing to look up. "I've already added her to the blacklist."
Sunghoon looked at him, a little startled.
"Why, think it's too harsh?" Heeseung looked at him then. Sunghoon shooked his head.
"No, just surprised we had the same idea."
Heeseung smiled, turning back to continue the rest of his signature. "Good."
Thankfully, the rest of the fansign went about as pleasantly as one could imagine, but Sunghoon found that his mood had soured considerably as the day went on. By the end, he was itching to go for a run, to get out on the roof for some breathing space.
Except, it was still raining and the group needed to eat something. And Enhypen had an unspoken rule about not skipping proper meals during promotions. It was a rather practical one, especially for picky eaters like Ni-ki, who got easily full despite his tall stature, and snack bingers like Heeseung, who swore up and down that shin ramyeon cup noodles was all of the daily nutrition he needed to survive.
"Sunghoon, where ya goin', mate?" Jake called out as he helped the staff clear the tables away.
"Bathroom."
"I'll come with, ay- wait up!" He waved, jogging to catch up. Sunghoon quickened his pace, and felt a little better watching Jake huff beside him.
"You're walking too fast, do you have to go that bad?" Jake joked, to Sunghoon's amusem*nt.
"Just washing my hands," Sunghoon replied.
"Oh, me too then."
As Jake watched him in the mirror a little longer than usual, though, Sunghoon paused.
"What?"
Jake looked a little sheepish. "Heeseung-hyung told me what happened earlier, I was at the end of the table so I hadn't noticed..."
"So?" Sunghoon shrugged his shoulders, wiping his hand with the paper towels on the side of the sink. "It happens. It wasn't even that bad, to be honest—"
"Oi, stop minimizing things that upset you. We've talked about this." Normally, Jake came off generally unassuming, sweet and gentle in equal measure to everyone, but in this instance, he looked rather intimidating as he crossed his arms properly and leaned against the wall, his serious gaze locking onto Sunghoon's own.
But Sunghoon wasn't easily moved. He threw his crumpled tissues into the trash can. "She was nice enough to me. It was Jay that she was... like that, towards. Like I said, I'm fine. Really."
"I see." Jake's expression softened. He walked over to Sunghoon and gave him a warm bear hug. "All the same, you shouldn't have had to listen to all that. You hungry?"
Sunghoon nodded, but replied, "Give me a minute, I need to..." not bothering to finish his sentence. Jake would understand, he always did.
His best friend gave him one last squeeze, then made his way towards the exit. Don't take too long, Sunoo and the others have already booked the restaurant. Can't be late."
He took his sweet time in the bathroom anyway, reapplying his eyedrops, blinking rapidly upwards as the relief seeped in. He grabbed a few more paper towels to dab the tear streaks away, noting that his foundation had worn off along the edges. He couldn't be bothered to do anything about it though, tossing the rest of his tissues before finally making his way to the cars.
"Hyung, wait." Sunghoon turned, ears perking up at Ni-ki's odd tone. The baby of the group was usually either in chill mode, or up to some mischief, but as he'd suspected, the young man had a conflicted look plastered on his face.
"Jay-hyung's in there, he was supposed to go with Heeseung-hyung and the others but he wanted to be alone for a bit." The younger member chewed on his bottom lip, continuing, "He's been in there for over half an hour — the rest had to leave to get our tables at the restaurant, so..."
"Why did you stay behind?" Sunghoon asked.
Ni-ki pursed his lips. "We couldn't all fit in the car, and you were still in the bathroom. That's all," he looked away, back to Jay's car, and scuffed his boots against the gravel. "Wasn't hungry anyway."
And so you waited all by yourself.
Sunghoon's heart ached. He could see that the maknae was clearly worried, despite his seemingly casual attitude.
"Well, we can't wait out here forever. I'll talk to him— aren't you coming?" Sunghoon started, but then turned around, noticing that Ni-ki still hung back, unsure.
"Would he really want me in there, hyung? He seemed really upset... Maybe I'd just get in the way..." Ni-ki swayed where he stood, torn between concern, and wanting to respect Jay's privacy.
"Nope, none of that," Sunghoon beckoned towards Ni-ki. "Your Jay-hyung's not like that, and even if he was, he can handle it. We're not leaving you behind, so get in the car, go on."
"I'm not very good at comforting people," Ni-ki confessed. "I'll rely on you this time to sort him out, if that's okay."
"Obviously, duh?" Sunghoon mussed the younger one's hair, continuing, "I'm the hyung here, not you. Of course I'll whip him into shape, don't you worry about it."
"Isn't Jay-hyung older than you–mmph!" Ni-ki winced as Sunghoon sandwiched the maknae's lips between his fingers and thumb, to the effect of a duck. Or baby chick, as Sunghoon preferred. It was always funny seeing the kid react to such a tease, and as expected, Ni-ki began giggling.
"That'll teach you to talk back to your elders, brat, aishh," Sunghoon grinned, reassured to see the maknae regain a little of his light back.
His own smile faltered briefly, however, as he entered the car along with Ni-ki.
He climbed in and sat next to Jay, who was sitting so still, that if it wasn't for the fact that his eyes, though blank, were open, one could've mistakened him for being asleep. Ni-ki closed the door gently, sealing the interior of the car back to pitch black darkness, or damn well near it, anyway. Even the emergency lights by the doors had been extinguished. Sunghoon whispered in the maknae's ears to close the privacy blinds separating the driver's seat from the passengers in the back. It wouldn't prevent the manager and driver from overhearing them, but he hoped the effect would help somewhat.
Ni-ki did as he was asked, then pointedly made a show of putting on his big, noise-cancelling headphones, pulling up his hoodie and sleeping mask, and pretended to fall asleep. Jay wouldn't be fooled, but all the same, Sunghoon thought the gesture was rather sweet, in its own way.
The driver started the car, and Sunghoon waited for them to get far enough on the main road before he allowed himself to relax.
He sat a little closer to Jay, but made sure to not touch him. Unlike Ni-ki and Jungwon, who loved hugging others and being hugged in return, Jay was more like Sunoo, preferring to be the ones to initiate skinship, or none at all.
"Jay-ah."
"En." Jay looked misty-eyed, but Sunghoon could tell Jay's red eyes weren't from recently crying in the car. Had he cried during the audition then? Was it from acting, or...
"Have you eaten yet?" Better to stick to simple questions this time round. Jay liked and trusted Ni-ki enough, Sunghoon was sure of that, but he might not feel so inclined to share while the rest of the staff are around, no matter how nice they were.
"Ate something earlier, don't remember..." Jay mumbled. After almost a minute of silence, he slowly shifted his head, leaning onto Sunghoon's left shoulder. His black hair was a little damp, drying here and there, but some strands clung on and over Jay's forehead, hiding his expression.
Sunghoon wanted to move his left arm around Jay's shoulders to support his neck better, but didn't want to startle him, so he used his right hand to reach over, gently stroking and patting Jay's soft hair. In the darkness of the car, he heard Jay shudder slightly, taking a deep breath, before his breathing evened out, and he felt Jay slowly slump the rest of his weight against Sunghoon's left side.
So he was relaxing, good, Sunghoon's mind cheered initially, before it suddenly malfunctioned. Despite Jay's wet hair dripping onto Sunghoon's shoulder, he could now feel Jay's body heat radiating through their clothes, and Sunghoon blinked back a barely controlled shiver.
Are we too close, is this okay? Sunghoon tried his best to focus on his simple task of comforting Jay, but he felt distracted. A little light-headed.
As if he was the one caught in the rain.
Accustomed to freezing cold training centres that blasted air barely warmer than the ice rink beneath him for a large chunk of his younger years, Sunghoon found later in life that he had developed a rather poor affinity with heat of any kind, but right now? He was hyperaware of it.
The kind of heat you'd get from running for hundreds of miles without a hat on, or from gasping after accidentally breathing in scorched air in the far reaches of the desert at midday — That was what it felt like. Which was why Jay and him didn't have a habit of hugging or clinging to each other's sides as often as they did with the others. That wasn't to say they had no skinship at all; fistbumps, backpats, shoulder massages, so long as they stuck to those, they were fine. It was just that Jay's body heat always ran a little too warm for Sunghoon, well — no, no, not like that, but...
"I can move if you want," Jay said suddenly, as if reading his mind.
"I'm good, just tired, like you are," Sunghoon lied, patting Jay's head a little rougher, in a playful manner.
"Ow... not so rough," Jay complained.
Sunghoon thought he heard a quiet snicker from Ni-ki, but he couldn't be sure. He kicked the bottom of his chair just for good measure anyway. The maknae didn't react, as he'd expected.
"Did you get caught in the rain? What's up with your hair?" Silence.
"I thought you said you'd brought an umbrella."
"I did. The wind broke it," Jay admitted.
Then, after a few beats, he continued, "Should've listened to you and taken the one at the back of the car like you told me to. Sorry."
"Mm," Sunghoon just hummed, letting Jay find his own timing.
"I don't think it'll work out, I did try my best though... I think I'm just not cut out for this, Sunghoon-ah..." Jay breathed, his voice so quiet that Sunghoon had to lean in closer to catch his words.
"... Sorry... I'm sorry..." Jay mumbled, shivering against Sunghoon.
Sunghoon sighed, thought, f*ck it, and properly lifted his arms to circle around Jay's shoulders, guiding his head to bury it in the nook of Sunghoon's collarbones. His puffer jacket acted like a soft pillow for Jay, and his head sank into it, and simultaneously, Jay carefully hugged Sunghoon back, his warm, solid hands clung gingerly around his waist. Sunghoon shivered again.
They sat like this for awhile, before Sunghoon spoke once more, "You know, Jay-ah... Whatever happened, you are so, so very loved and cherished. Always. There's always next time."
Even as the car jerked all three of them forwards a little, Sunghoon clearly felt Jay jump a little beneath his arms. But surprisingly, he didn't otherwise try to break out of the hug. Ni-ki, (who at some point that Sunghoon hadn't noticed) had given up pretending to sleep, and was now peeking openly at them, still processing Sunghoon's bold words. Even the driver had accidentally hit the brakes in surprise for a second there, if the coughing at the front of the car was any indication.
Sunghoon's face coloured. He quickly cleared his throat, stating, "Well, that's what one of your fans told me to share with you today. You're welcome, by the way."
"Oh... thank you, I guess?" Jay's voice was muffled through his jacket, but Sunghoon could feel the tension finally relax out of Jay's shoulders. "Did they really say it like that, though?"
"Uh-huh. Told me to repeat it to you exactly like that, a thousand times, actually," Sunghoon recalled.
"Don't," Jay peeked out under his chin, glaring rather cutely, his fringe all messed up and tangled. "Please don't, once was quite enough."
Cute, cute, cute!! Sunghoon's tiresome little brain chanted in glee. Don't pinch his cheeks, don't, don't do it, don't—
"You feel better now, hyung?" Ni-ki reached out to poke Jay's cheek, beating Sunghoon to the punch, adding, "I can say it for you too, you know? YOU ARE SO VERY, VERY—" Apparently, that was the limit to Jay's tolerance for open displays of affection, as he finally broke out their hug to tickle-attack their younger member in the front seat, an amusing sight unfolding as Jay horrifically gained the upper hand.
Sunghoon sighed in dissapointment as the elder one smugly sat back down in the other empty chair at the front, heaving, and all cheered up from torturing their maknae. Said maknae was in an absolute fit of uncontrollable giggles, that would probably last long into the next week and beyond, Sunghoon grimly predicted.
"Are you really older than me? I just can't see it," Sunghoon commented dryly.
Jay gave him a friendly middle finger. Ni-ki howled even louder, hugging his sides in stitches.
"Are you still hungry, Jay?" Sunghoon asked, ignoring Ni-ki's intermittent snickers/whimpers.
"Not really. Need a shower though... Do you mind if we head back to the dorm instead? You could just drop me off, and then—" Jay offered, but Sunghoon interrupted.
"No, it's fine, I don't feel like eating out today. I'll text the group later," he said, pulling out his phone to do exactly that.
He listened on, typing as Jay tried to undo the lasting damage that he had inflicted on Ni-ki's sanity, shaking his shoulder, "Oi, Riki-kun, hello? Stop rolling all over the place for a second, do you wanna go to the restaurant or head home with us?"
"Eheh, heh, h-home, I-I guess? Hehehe, have some ice-creams from Sunoo h-hyung, heh heh, gonna finish 'em all—" Ni-ki cackled, it was somehow amazing to Sunghoon that he had managed to speak coherently at all.
Jay playfully whacked his arm. "No, nope, you're only having one. I'm cooking dinner tonight, so if you have more than one ice-cream, I'm locking the fridge and force-feeding you minced chicken and plain boiled peas again."
"Noooo~" Ni-ki wailed pitifully, and for a second there, one might forget that the tears streaming down his face was from laughter. "Jay-hyung, you big meanie, bweh!" He retaliated by sticking out his tongue and made a silly face.
Sunghoon paused, his breath catching as he took in the all-too-familiar scene, feeling a wave of deja vu sweep through his being. He smiled as he hit send on the message. It read:
"Carry on w/o us btw, pls bring back leftovers if any. Jay's feeling better. We've decided to head back home :3 "
